Insomnia
by TheSpikyDurian
Summary: Zed calls it a short mission to gather much-needed equipment after the mess of the Ixion Invasion. Zeeltor sees a research opportunity. X complains that those two have ended up with the easier job again. Elle, as usual, tells X to shut up. Jay calls it a much-needed vacation. Kay remains silent. Or, how a galactic shopping trip is no easier than managing a Zeronian migration.
1. Chapter 1

_**Zed calls it a short mission to gather much-needed equipment after the mess of the Ixion Invasion. Zeeltor sees a research opportunity. X complains that those two have ended up with the easier job again. Elle, as usual, tells X to shut up. As for Jay, she calls it a much-needed vacation. Kay remains silent.**_

 _ **Or, how a galactic shopping trip is no easier than managing a Zeronian migration on earth.**_

 _ **genderbent!Jay, post MIB The Series**_

AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
So, MIB The Series. Cool show from what I can remember. This fic's set after the events of the last episodes, where Kay and Jay fend off the Ixion Invasion, and of course, things go wrong for everyone.  
(Hopefully a worthwhile attempt at humour.)

* * *

ON EARTH

Kay doesn't know exactly when it is that the dread starts to settle in-

"No frickin' way."

-but he can make a pretty good guess.

They're walking out of the construction zone, where Zed's busy directing the builders, Jay grinning ear to ear and Kay with an ever-growing sense of dread, because he can't shake the feeling this is not going to go well.

"I don't care what Zed says," Jay grins at Kay, who raises an eyebrow in return, "I'm still gonna call it a vacation."

"An intergalactic trip isn't all fun and games, you know," Elle remarks as the four of them make their way past the fences adorned with signs warning all agents to have protective gear on when inside the zone. "It could be dangerous."

"What I can't believe," X grumbles darkly as he pulls the hard-hat from his head and runs his fingers through his now-flattened-by-hat-hair, "is that you two ended up with the easier mission. Heck, it's not even a mission."

"Neither is sitting around here and 'overseeing any major security issues'," Jay shoots back, tugging off her own hard hat. "It's been way too quiet recently. Complain all you want, X, but I seriously doubt sitting around here is any harder than going on a glorified shopping trip."

"At least you get to travel."

Jay pokes her tongue out at X, and X does the same.

Elle rolls her eyes.

Kay hopes that, for once, his apprehension is uncalled for.

…

NOT ON EARTH

Kay's apprehension doesn't ease, not even when they board the spaceship.

It's a commercial flight out of earth and to the Andromeda Galaxy at hyperspeed - along with some other three-hundred-or-so passengers all seated into neat little rows. It's enough to make anyone claustrophobic - well, it would, if Kay or Jay could be counted as 'anyone'. Jay, for her part, has taken the window seat on his right and has her face pressed up against the glass and staring outside in wonder while Kay is simply much too unfazed to be bothered by claustrophobic spaceships.

Zeeltor, seated on Kay's left, is too busy studying Lucy the Colony of Bacteria to pay attention to anything around him. Officially, Zeeltor's there to ensure that the devices they're picking up - to replace the damaged ones buried under piles of rubble back at Headquarters - aren't defective and will live up to the constant demand of any MIB equipment. Unofficially, he's there to test the effects of artificial gravity on bacteria.

It's five minutes after take-off before Jay finally pulls back from the window and settles into her seat. Kay's hopes of a quiet flight are dashed as Jay starts to speak, "You know, I think this is my… third time into space?"

"Fourth," Kay corrects, not looking up from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.

"Fourth?"

"Fourth if you count the Ixions."

"Oh," Jay says, then perhaps finally realises that Kay doesn't like to talk on long trips and goes silent. Or she's too interested by the lights streaking past the window - a side effect of travelling at hyperspeed.

Whatever the reason - and honestly, Kay doesn't really care at the moment - he's left in blessed silence, except for the occasional mutter from Zeeltor as he keeps a constant watch on Lucy.

At some point in the next two hours, when he glances up again at an odd, snuffling sound, Jay's nodded off, cheek against the glass and neck bent at an uncomfortable angle. The sound's coming from her slightly parted lips, and even as Kay watches, she makes a noise that might be passed for a snore.

Kay bites back a smirk.

 _It's so she doesn't complain for the rest of the trip_ , Kay tells himself as he moves Jay into a slightly more comfortable position and tugs the blanket more securely around her shoulders.

…

ON EARTH

X can't say for sure when exactly it all starts, but it's pretty clear what it starts with.

It starts with the pigeons.

He walks into the Lab in search of his little-eared partner, and stops short when he catches sight of the caged pigeons cooing in the usually sterile room. Every available flat surface has a cage sitting on it, and in each cage, is a wild-eyed and scruffy-looking pigeon. As one, all the pigeons swivel their heads to stare at him.

 _Creepy as !#$%_ , X thinks, and carefully edges his way around the wild-eyed birds before calling out, "Hey, Little-Ears! You in here?"

"Don't touch them," Elle's flat tones warn him from somewhere within the depths of the cages. "I'm over here."

"What are they?" X wrinkles his nose at the birdy smell emanating from the pigeons.

"They're pigeons."

"Oh, no, I thought they were pterodactyls," X snarks, rolling his eyes. "I mean, what are they doing here?"

"We had reports of the birds acting oddly."

"They're _pigeons._ They're meant to be odd."

Before Elle can reply, there's a loud bang, and there's one less pigeon in the Lab.

"Not _this_ kind of odd," Elle looks pointedly at a now not-quite-empty cage - it's filled with feathers, bits of a bird and a dark-coloured goo that X doesn't want to know about. "This is the sixth one this hour."

X can't think of anything to say, except for, "...the !#$% was that?"

"Was that in Hyperian?" Elle asks, interested in the swearword X used.

"What, you mean !#$%?" X thinks for a moment. "Yeah, I think it is."

"...I should learn Hyperian some day," Elle mutters as she swabs a sample of the goo from the cage.

"It's a disgusting language," X remarks as Elle transfers the goo to a slide and under a microscope.

Elle fiddles with the dials on the microscope. "All the better to insult people with."

...

NOT ON EARTH

Kay blinks awake, and the first thing he notices is that Zeeltor is gone from his seat - but Lucy is still sitting contently next to him, so the doctor can't have gone far - and the next thing he notices is the small weight against his shoulder to his right.

Oh, she had better _not_ have…

Kay suppresses a sigh when he glimpses the top of Jay's head resting against his shoulder as he shifts slightly to look in her direction. Jay rarely does this, Kay thinks sourly, and the only reason she's done so now is because at some point in the flight, he's slouched down in his seat when he fell asleep, and now his shoulder's low enough for Jay to use as a convenient pillow.

Kay briefly considers nudging Jay awake, and decides to go through with it, before he notices the bags under her eyes. It's not as if he hasn't noticed them over the several past days, especially right after the Ixion invasion, but this is perhaps the first time he's taken a closer look at his partner…

...and she looks exhausted.

 _Just this once_ , Kay sighs and settles back into his chair, taking care to not jostle Jay too much. _And if I see Zeeltor coming back, I'm shoving you off._

And later, when he feels Jay waking up and scrambling away from him in surprise and embarrassment, Kay pretends to be asleep.

...

ON EARTH

Elle rubs her eyes tiredly and makes a noise of annoyance.

X, who has been dozing off at one of the spare stools, blinks awake. "You figured out what it was, yet?"

"No," Elle shakes her head, and runs her fingers through her hair. "I can't identify what's in this goo, but it's definitely the source of whatever's doing this to the pigeons."

There's a faint rustle of feathers as a few pigeons move a little in their sleep.

"If Zeeltor was here," Elle sighs, "he'd know what's going on."

"Well," X says matter-of-factly, "he isn't."

"No pressure, right?" Elle responds sarcastically. "I'm calling it a night."

"Sure," X replies, and waits impatiently for Elle to gather her things before they leave the Lab, foot tapping against the ground in agitation.

"Are you packing up the whole lab with you?" X demands in irritation, and Elle glares at him.

Before she has a chance for a scathing response, the commlink to the Lab pings, and Zed's voice comes through.

"We've got a situation..."

Half an hour later, X still can't believe his ears as they're driving down the dim streets of New York at night.

"Zombies."

"Yep."

"Zombies."

"Yes."

"Zomb-"

"Finish that word," Elle growls warningly, "and I will make you walk there."

There's a short silence, before X replies, "Undead."

"X," Elle hisses, and X wisely falls silent on the matter of revenants. "No one knows for sure if they're zombies, or the undead. They're just… very aggressive sleep-walking people."

"You think the pigeons have anything to do with that?" X asks instead.

"I don't know- Look out!" Elle suddenly shouts, and there's a sickening, gloopy splat as something strikes the windshield and slowly slides down the glass. The car's screeched to a stop, thanks to X slamming his foot down on the breaks, and both agents stare in a mix of horror, disgust and fascination at the blob on the windshield.

Elle is the one to finally speak. "...is that a beak?"

Instead of answering, X exits the car and walks around to the front to look at the gooey mess. "I'm going on a hunch here, but I'll say maybe the pigeons do have something to do with this."

Elle's spectrometer is out and scanning by the time she reaches the ex-bird. "Nothing. No alien readings. It's from earth-"

The spectrometer blips momentarily, and Elle frowns. "X, did you see that?"

"The blip?"

"Yes," Elle peers around the dim streets, spectrometer held aloft. "It picked up something - and it wasn't you or the pigeon."

"I'm touched you'd put me in the same category as a flying rat-"

"This way," Elle starts running towards the source of the blips, and X follows closely behind.

"Don't you think," X asks as he draws his weapon, "running after a potential zombie in a dark alleyway is a bad idea?"

"First of all," Elle corrects him as they turn yet another corner, "they're not zombies. Secondly, no, it's not a bad idea. From the reports Zed gave us, they're not exactly tearing people apart or infecting anyone."

"For the moment," X mutters darkly. That's the last time I watch a horror movie with the Worms.

"Really, X," Elle says as they continue on, "do you have to be so cynical-"

She stops short, and X nearly bowls her over.

"What was that for?" X snaps, only to look at what had stopped Elle short. X looks at the swarming mass of… ghosts?

There's nothing else to say, but,

"What. The. #$%!."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Notes: Okay, before we start, I gotta reply to my two guest reviews (I'd do this privately… but, you know, guest reviews. So, sorry about that).**_

 _ **First of all, to the both of you - thanks for taking the time to leave a review. (I know I'm too lazy to ever leave one, so I appreciate the effort.)**_

 _ **GUEST 1:  
**_ "Nice little story, looking forward to you continuing it. Definitely enjoying the exchanges between X and Elle a lot. And Jay and Kay got me curious to what they'll discover. Hope to see more soon!

Also, is referring to Jay with she/her pronouns intentional? It having no explanation leaves it as my only complaint.

Good luck!"

 _ **Hey there! I'm glad the exchanges between L and X was entertaining - I was a little worried about the snark-to-snark combat, but it's good to see that it worked.**_

 _ **Okay - long story short on the genderbent!Jay issue: long ago in a galaxy far, far away, I read a fanfic with a female Jay in it. I honestly can't remember much of it, but I think I didn't really like the way it was handled (the romance in particular). So, now I'm going to try and see if I can make it work (not the romance - just the partnership dynamic). So far, it's a bit dodgy, but hey, since I've already started with it, I figured I might as well go through with it.**_

 _ **GUEST 2:  
**_ "You do realize genderbents are inherently transphobic?"

 _ **Huh. Really? I can't say I've ever thought about it like that. Well, I guess what they say is true - you really do learn something new every day.**_

 _ **And now, onwards:**_

* * *

NOT ON EARTH

They're late.

The sight of two MIB agents, one alien doctor and one agar plate of alien bacteria rushing across the terminal - a free-floating space station anchored in more or less the same place to act as a junction between the Triangulum and Andromeda Galaxy - is an odd sight to most people.

Perhaps that is why they've caught the attention of the nearby passengers.

"Damn it, doc," Jay pants as the three (four if one counts Lucy) dashes across the station, "why'd you have to bring Lucy along?"

Zeeltor, unperturbed, replies blithely, "I couldn't pass up the opportunity to test the effects of zero-gravity and hyperspeed and artificial gravity on the metabolism of a-"

"Man, you know what?" Jay rolls her eyes. "Forget I asked! Just run!"

They run.

Of course, they wouldn't have to run if it wasn't for customs stopping the whole group when they thought Lucy was undeclared foodstuffs. Zeeltor quickly convinces them otherwise - apparently Jay isn't the only one who can't stand his technobabble - but not fast enough so that they're not late.

They do, however, make it to their next flight on time, so Jay doesn't complain.

(Much.)

…

ON EARTH

They're not ghosts.

That much, at least, is clear to Elle. What they are, on the other hand, is an excellent question.

"What are they?" X whispers out of the corner of his mouth, trying to not disturb the otherwise calmly floating… things.

"I," Elle takes her time to put the spectrometer away, "have no idea."

"That was helpful."

"You're welcome."

X isn't sure what sets the ghosts off - maybe they finally had enough of looking at Little Ears' ugly mug - and suddenly, the two agents are bombarded with swarming, hissing ghosts.

Later, X swears that the girly screams that filled the air weren't his. No one can prove anything.

For the moment, though, he's a bit preoccupied with firing into the night sky trying to hit the nasty buggers-

"Stop!" Elle demands, her hands grabbing X's wrists and pointing the De-Atomiser to the ground.

"Are you insane?!" X demands, only to stop when he realises that the ghosts are still diving at them - and not making contact.

One whooshes right through him, and he is surprised to find his body still intact. "What was that?"

"They're not going for us," Elle snaps, and spins around to where all the ghosts have zoomed to. "Look!"

X turns to see the last of the ghosts disappear into the alleyway. After a few moments of staring into the darkness, nothing terrifying looms out of it. "Well, I don't see anything."

"They why don't you use your oh-so-big eyes," Elle points at a spot in the darkness rather forcefully, "and look _harder_?"

X looks harder.

And suddenly, he's too uncomfortably aware of the many pairs of eyes looking back at him.

"...rats don't usually do that, right?"

...

NOT ON EARTH

Zeeltor's conspicuously bright neon-green bag is the first one they should be able to find - but they do not find it. The two black suitcases - MIB standard issue - might be a little harder to find, but they don't find it either.

The three of them stand there, watching the bags circulate on the conveyor belt, and after ten-minutes-too-long of eyeing the same bags over and over again, the realisation hits them like an unpleasantly goopy pancake - one that seeps in slowly and refuses to leave no matter how hard one might scrub away the taste.

A few inquiries later, the location of their luggage is revealed.

If Kay has less self control, he'd be the one currently screaming, "Are you kidding me?"

Since he has more self-control than Jay, Jay's the one screaming previously mentioned words.

"Interesting," Zeeltor is delighted as ever. "I had no idea losing luggage could bring about such a reaction."

"The Triangulum Galaxy doesn't even sound anything like the Andromeda Galaxy!" Jay complains, throwing her hands into the air in frustration. "How in the universe do you mix those two up?!"

Kay decides that this is the last time they travel by commercial flights.

...

ON EARTH

"Elle, X," Zed begins as soon as the two agents pick up their communicators, only to stop short at their appearance.

Both look as if they've fought a very angry alley cat - and lost.

"What happened to you?"

"This," X replies, lifting a rat by its tail - either dead or merely unconscious, Zed can't really tell - into view of the communicator's camera.

"Already?" Zed, far from looking surprised, looks grim instead. Then again, the man looks grim basically ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the time so X can't really tell if this is an oddity.

"What do you mean 'already'?" Elle, having just fought her way through a swarm of explosive rats, is in no mood for cryptic answers.

"I'll explain when you get back," Zed answers evasively, and Elle is tempted to hurl her communicator to the ground. Zed, perhaps sensing the gist of Elle's thoughts, adds, "Is that rat still alive?"

X peers at the tiny vermin, and rears back in alarm when it twitches a little. "Yes."

"Bring it with you."

Having spent too much time working for the MIB, neither agent questions the order, but that does not stop X from giving the rat a look of disgust and resignation.

…

NOT ON EARTH

Jay, face down on the table and head pillowed on her folded arms, mutters something.

"Agent Jay?" Zeeltor questions, having not quite heard what she said. "Could you repeat that?"

"Kill me. Kill me now," Jay repeats flatly, and raises her head to look at Zeeltor. "Make it painless and quick. Tell my family I love them."

Zeeltor is pretty sure it's against regulations to murder another fellow MIB employee, but he supposes it doesn't hurt to ask. He turns to Kay, and-

"No," Kay replies without looking away from his newspaper. "Against regulations."

"Sorry, Jay," Zeeltor apologises with a shrug.

"Against regulations?" Jay repeats, sitting up properly, a frown making its way across her face. "Why is that even part of the rules? I mean, did someone _actually_ try to-?"

Kay's gaze flicks over to her for a moment. "Alpha. Amongst others."

"Oh. _Oh_ ," Jay winces inwardly. _Nicely done, Jay. Sure, why not?_ She thinks miserably to herself. _Bring up the maniacal ex-partner who tried to murder your partner_. _Open mouth, insert foot. Done. Perfect._

Before she can try to offer an apology, Kay glances at her again, and obviously, some of her guilt is present on her face.

Kay speaks before she can, in a slightly exasperated tone, accompanied with a roll of his eyes. "Stranger things have happened, Slick."

Jay's learned, for a long time now, that the nicknames are Kay's ways of showing affection, something he uses instead of saying _I-Don't-Hate-You_. Normal people would, of course, simply say so, but Kay's not normal. "...I guess."

Then, "Elbows off the table."

"Yes, mum," Jay replies dryly, but removes her arms anyway. Exasperating her partner is not a trade for manners.

(Aunt Rose raised her to be better than that.)

The table is silent as the three are lost in their own separate activities - Kay is engrossed with the newspaper, Zeeltor is fidgeting with some gadget, and Jay is bored out of her skull.

She admits the view is nice, though. After relaying their flight at the terminal, instead of another claustrophobic ship, they boarded a much larger one, with separate cabins and a dining room. The dining room has panoramic windows into…

 _Utter blackness_ , Jay scowls a little at the windows, and absentmindedly stirs her coffee with a teaspoon. _Thought there'd be more stars_.

She almost wishes for _something_ to happen, then quickly rescinds her thought.

 _Nope, not gonna go there. You're on vacation… well, sort of._

When the space pirates (Jay sniggers. Who actually calls themselves _pirates_ these days?) storm the dining room, Jay is in equal parts annoyed and thankful.

...

ON EARTH

"Well?" X snarks. "Is it going to live?"

"Yes," Elle replies, then mutters under her breath, "I can't say the same for you."

The rat, now awake, is prowling around its cage, pausing every now and then to glare at the three agents in the Lab.

"You know how creepy that thing is?" X, after the rat gives him another glare, finally asks the room at large.

Elle's reply, something along the lines of _takes one to know one_ is lost in Zed's answer.

"It's going to get worse," the chief replies, eyebrows furrowed in thought, "if I am correct."

"If?" X raises his eyebrows.

"Let's wait for the results to come back," Elle remarks lightly, "before jumping to conclusions, shall we?"

The machine that Elle is working on pings cheerily, and Zed pales at the results on the screen.

"What?" Elle, having caught sight of Zed's rapidly horrified expression, asks quickly. "What is it?"

"It's..." Zed almost whispers, his voice thick with horror, "a Zeronian."

The silence in the lab is almost deafening.

Then, X asks, "Is that supposed to mean something?"


End file.
